Happy Big Huge Waste of Money day!
I abhor Valentine's Day. As if a vase of overpriced wilted flowers and a heart shaped box of high fructose corn syrup will show someone you love them.
My husband shows me his love by putting up with my dickery each and every day. With only a small amount of wanting to strangle me until my baby blues pop right out of my head. Brace yourselves for this truth. I, dear readers, am not easy to live with.
I drink too much, cuss like a sailor, and have a horrid temper when provoked. The worst part of it? I have...naturally curly red hair.
I wake up each morning looking like Carrot Top on crack. With an attitude to boot. It may be the way he chooses to wake me up. With his face in mine saying "Woman, woman! Wake up! I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?" Then he proceeds to get angry with me for casting aspersions on his Mother's honor by questioning what exactly she bred with to create a man who gets up earlier than the Amish.
Today we have been together for 14-15 years. I forget which. I also don't give a hairy rat's ass about anniversaries. I am low maintenance. I don't even need presents. When he asked me this morning if I wanted something for Valentine's Day I told him I have all I need. Him, the dogs, my Lu. That is enough for me. After laughing until he choked I'm sure he slunk off to buy something for me. Which should be a bottle of wine and case of beer if he knows me as well as I think he does. I do buy Valentine presents for my Lu. She is seven years old and still excited about these kinds of things.
I'm not romantic. If faced with a trail of rose petals leading to my bedroom I would immediately run for the beer in the back refrigerator. Then proceed out the back door screaming that a pod person has taken my dear husband over and for the Love of Jeebus kill it quick!
That being said...Fuck Valentine's Day and all the bullshit that goes with it.
While my co-workers get flowers delivered all day I will be over here rolling my eyes because SURE he loves you! It has nothing at all to do with you popping his nuts like grapes if he doesn't send you a present today!
If Todd wants to show me he loves me how about he load the damn dishwasher before I get home?
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